What
makes people feel as if their energy and time reserves are running
on empty? Feeling tired and rushed for time may suggest a need to
look at how much resentment and how many grudges are being carried
around each day. Resentment and grudges about things in the past
disrupt lives and overpower the ability to function.
Missed
opportunities, fractured relationships, family disagreements, neighborhood
feuds, and unattained goals can create a burden of grudges and resentment.
Ebenezer Scrooge, in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol,
describes this burden of resentment as a chain forged by his life.
In Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential, Caroline
Myss talks about changing the leaden weight of painful memories
into the gold of understanding.
Life
naturally provides experiences that can lead to grudges and resentment.
Sometimes the pain or senselessness of the experience makes it difficult
to forgive. In other situations, the desire to forgive is there
but the capacity to forgive is elusive. For many it is harder to
forgive than to hold on to a grudge. It is unfortunate that this
Hebrew proverb is so true; “Change takes but an instant, the
resistance to change can take a lifetime”.
In
spite of the challenge of complete forgiveness, there is little
question how critical it is for spiritual, emotional, and physical
health. Holding grudges and harboring resentment can lead to isolation
from family, friends, and neighbors. The smoldering anger triggered
by grudges and resentment can contribute to digestive disturbances,
increased blood pressure, and reduced ability to manage blood glucose.
Unresolved resentment can also disrupt sleep patterns.
To
be able to reap the benefits that come from forgiveness, it is necessary
to:
-
Believe
that you are worthy of forgiveness.
-
Stop
re-living and re-counting the cause of the grudge or resentment.
-
Make
a personal commitment to forgive completely with no strings attached.
-
Be
patient with your self as you develop the maturity required to
forgive.
The
sincere belief that you are worthy of forgiveness expands your ability
to forgive others. Many find the foundation for this sense of worthiness
in their spiritual belief system.
Re-living
and re-counting the details of the situation that is the source
of the resentment keeps it alive. Letting go of past insults or
betrayal is a process that begins with the decision to move toward
forgiveness.
Another
important part of the forgiveness process is accepting the fact
that forgiving another does not assure they will in turn forgive.
The journey to full forgiveness takes different amounts of time
for different individuals. People from whom you expect forgiveness
may need more time than you. It is counter productive to expect
forgiveness in exchange for forgiveness. This keeps you from experiencing
all the rewards of forgiveness.
Today
is the day to begin the journey to discard grudges and resentment
from you life. The ability to forgive is one of the gifts of maturity
and produces health benefits and a sense of peace more valuable
than gold.
